And I thought being Zoom Groomed was bad. Those stupid, rubber bristles creating static electricity as they run through my fur collecting all the loose bits. Well, that's nothing compared to being Furminatored!
The Furminator - BAH! Stupid grooming brush! I HATE being groomed! Look at all that nonsense caught up in those tiny little metal teeth! And Mom just cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West, she was so pleased with herself and the job the Furminator was doing.
It's not like I didn't put up a good fight though. First Mom lured me over with a shake of the treat bag, then she pinned me between her legs and started torturing me! Brushbrushbrush, from head to tail - it was criminal I tell you!
"Oh, Fluffy! Look at all the fur this Furminator is getting out of you! It's WONDERFUL!"
"Wonderful?! Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow that fur?!"
"Fluffy, you're being silly - this is fur you are shedding. It was falling out anyway. You're so dramatic....."
"I still need that fur! I haven't been this cold since the 'Paint Tray Episode' when Clipper Lady had to shave my feet!"
"Seriously Fluffy, I'm not removing enough to make you cold! It's not like I'm leaving bald spots!"
"Bald spots?! Did you say BALD SPOTS?! Let me GO!!!"
Well, apparently she wasn't finished with me yet because after she finished raking me, she decided it was time to clip my nails too! Holy cow, what did I do to deserve this?! And of course, only weighing three pounds means I'm pretty easy to hold on to no matter how hard I squirm. "Settle down, Fluffy! Keep still and it'll be over before you know it..."
So finally, the Prison Warden let me go and I blew outta there like a windstorm. Then I blew right back in, because I forgot to give her a good THUMP, so once I did that, I was gone again. I ran to snorgle with Binky....
"Fluffy, don't I look pretty? Momma groomed me and clipped my nails...."
"Yeah sure Binks. Girls like that kinda stuff. Us guys, not so much, especially us Big Tough Lops."
"Fluffy, today is Thanksgiving Day! Aren't you thankful you have such a wonderful family that takes care of you?"
*sigh* She's right. She's always right. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm thankful for that. And thankful for you too, my girl!" I said as I gave her earlicks. "And thankful that those stupid ants are gone and we are back in our room where we belong!"
"See? That's the spirit! And you are very handsome with your nicely brushed fur...."
*blush* "Thanks, Binks...."