Thursday, October 22, 2009

Sulk & Vinegar

This picture is what I look like when I am mad. Why am I mad? Because I had a bath. Why did I have a bath? Well, let's just say I was a tad on the stinky side.....

Much akin to the Paint Tray Episode of '07, I shall lay the blame more on Mom than on me. "Fluffy, it was NOT my fault! I clearly told you to stay out of there!" Hmph - whatever....

Okay, so Mom was cleaning out our litter bin as usual and I guess they were particularly stinky this time around. So she poured about an inch worth of vinegar into the bottom of it and left it on the floor to soak. She was watching t.v. in our room and had left the gate open to the laundry area where the bin was soaking. So of course, me being the inquisitive bunny I am, hopped on over to the bin to see what was up. I gave it a sniff - good golly! What is that smell?! "Fluffy, get away from there....." Hmmmm, maybe if I chin it, it will smell better...(chin)....nope. Still stinky. Something is in there, but it's strange. It looks empty to me.....

"McFluffersons, get away from that bin!" What is Mom getting her knickers all in a knot about? I'm just sniffing it for crying out loud. There is something in here that smells really funny but I can't figure it out. I don't see anything in there - maybe I need to investigate further....

"Fluffy, git! Don't you hop in that bin, Little Man!"

This is driving me crazy - something is going on here and as the resident Big Tough Lop, it's my duty to find out what it is and report back to Binks. Let me just hop in here.....


YIKES!!!!!! EWWWWWWWW!!! What IS this stuff?!

"FLUFFY MCFLUFFERSONS! What did Momma tell you?! BAH!!!!!!!"

Slippery! Can't...Get...Out! (splish-splash-splish-splash)

Mom is on me like white on rice. Like a helicopter, up I go into the sky. Mom holds my back against her chest with my stinky wet feet and belly facing front. GAG! Mom, what the heck was that?!!!!!! "Fluffy, that was vinegar! I told you NOT to go in there! Now you are drenched in vinegar for crying out loud!"

PLOP! Into the laundry sink. The water is running. NO!!!!!!!! She picks me up again and - *gasp* - she starts running my feet and belly under the water!!!!! MOM! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

"Now you're a stinky bunny! Bah! Now Mommy has to wash you....sit still McFluffersons!" Oh, she's got the vice grip on me, keeping me still with one arm and dumping water on me with the other. She calls to Dad upstairs to bring down the blow dryer. Blow dryer?! What is this? A car wash?!!!!!! "This is what happens Fluffy, when you don't listen to Mommy! You end up in a mess, you mischievous little bunny!"

So now the water is off and Dad is here with the blow dryer. He's blowing all this stupid air on me and Mom is rubbing my fur. She's fluffing my belly, my feet, even trying to get in between my toesies! UGH! And my BUM, too! Can you say "humiliating"?

"McFlufferson's, did you have a Bunny Misadventure?" Dad chuckled as he directed the dreaded dryer up and down my wet fur. "Yes, he most certainly did...." Mom chimed in. "Fluffy seems to think it's fun to hop into a litter bin of vinegar....."

You better believe that when my "fluff and dry" was done and all four feet were back firmly on the floor I let out a mighty series of thumps and grunts! I spun around and shot them both a dirty look, making sure they were aware of my extreme disapproval. Then I pointed my bum at them and took off, giving them some nice, big foot flicks to look at. For some reason, they thought all this was funny!

"Fluffy, what's that smell?" asked Miss Binks when I firmly planted myself next to her to sulk. "It's vinegar. Stupid vinegar! AND I had a bath! A BATH!!!!! Can you believe that????!!!!!"

"Well, just don't get any vinegar on my nice white Dolce & Gabunny track suit. Here, let me help you with that...." she said as she began licking my damp fur.

Ahhhhhhhhh....there is something about licks from my girl that makes all of the disapproval go away.....


Monday, October 12, 2009

I've been Furminatored!

And I thought being Zoom Groomed was bad. Those stupid, rubber bristles creating static electricity as they run through my fur collecting all the loose bits. Well, that's nothing compared to being Furminatored!

The Furminator - BAH! Stupid grooming brush! I HATE being groomed! Look at all that nonsense caught up in those tiny little metal teeth! And Mom just cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West, she was so pleased with herself and the job the Furminator was doing.

It's not like I didn't put up a good fight though. First Mom lured me over with a shake of the treat bag, then she pinned me between her legs and started torturing me! Brushbrushbrush, from head to tail - it was criminal I tell you!

"Oh, Fluffy! Look at all the fur this Furminator is getting out of you! It's WONDERFUL!"

"Wonderful?! Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow that fur?!"

"Fluffy, you're being silly - this is fur you are shedding. It was falling out anyway. You're so dramatic....."

"I still need that fur! I haven't been this cold since the 'Paint Tray Episode' when Clipper Lady had to shave my feet!"

"Seriously Fluffy, I'm not removing enough to make you cold! It's not like I'm leaving bald spots!"

"Bald spots?! Did you say BALD SPOTS?! Let me GO!!!"

Well, apparently she wasn't finished with me yet because after she finished raking me, she decided it was time to clip my nails too! Holy cow, what did I do to deserve this?! And of course, only weighing three pounds means I'm pretty easy to hold on to no matter how hard I squirm. "Settle down, Fluffy! Keep still and it'll be over before you know it..."

So finally, the Prison Warden let me go and I blew outta there like a windstorm. Then I blew right back in, because I forgot to give her a good THUMP, so once I did that, I was gone again. I ran to snorgle with Binky....

"Fluffy, don't I look pretty? Momma groomed me and clipped my nails...."

"Yeah sure Binks. Girls like that kinda stuff. Us guys, not so much, especially us Big Tough Lops."

"Fluffy, today is Thanksgiving Day! Aren't you thankful you have such a wonderful family that takes care of you?"

*sigh* She's right. She's always right. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm thankful for that. And thankful for you too, my girl!" I said as I gave her earlicks. "And thankful that those stupid ants are gone and we are back in our room where we belong!"

"See? That's the spirit! And you are very handsome with your nicely brushed fur...."

*blush* "Thanks, Binks...."