Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Under Lockdown

Imagine a big, huge pile of bunny, bigger than that...bigger. Now multiply that big huge pile of poop by about 1000 and that would just about equal the amount of poop I am in right now.

I have been grounded. Indefinitely. From going for rides in the stroller, from going outside in any way, shape or form (unless it's in a carrier), from even sniffing the fresh air from the screened patio doors - apparently the scent of freedom would just encourage me. Encourage me to be a very bad bunny.

It was Saturday, a very nice day I might add, and Mom decided to take Miss Binks and I out in the stroller to mail some letters. The closest mailbox is a mere 2 blocks away so it would be a short trip. All went fine, Mom had the top down, Binks and I snuggled together and sniffed the fine spring air, the birds were chirping and life was good. For the time being anyway.

When we got back home, Mom decided to sit with us on the front porch for a bit. Our front porch is cement with railings. It serves as the entrance to our townhouse as well as the one next door where Shannon the Dog lives. There are stairs by our side and stairs by the other side. Mom has had us out there before - I have never ever gone up or down a set of stairs before in my life so it's a pretty safe place for me to be - no worries about me trying to escape. Oh no, no worries about that at all....

...until I decided to have my first go at a set of stairs...

Mom was sitting on the top step petting Binky and I was hopping around checking out the neighbours Welcome Mat. Binks never strays anywhere, she is a Nervous Nellie, so she simply sniffed the air and explored as far around her as her head and neck would reach without taking a step. Me on the other hand, I stood on top of the other set of stairs and looked down...."Fluffy......" Mom said. "McFluffersons..." She could hear the wheels of escape churning in my head - she stood up to come over to me - and that's when I did it. I bolted down those stairs like I had been doing it all my life.

"Fluffy! Get back here!" she yelled as she ran down the stairs after me. I ran across the driveway to the grassy yard and bounced from one corner to another with Mom in hot pursuit. "FLUFFY! Stop! Get back here!" Of course I would stop just long enough for her to catch up to me, then I would bolt again! I darted my head from side to side, trying to quickly navigate my way through this new, wild wilderness. Up through the bushes, across another driveway, then onto the road that runs through our townhouse complex. "FLUFFY!" mom screamed.

I ran up another driveway, right into an open garage and rested under the car. Mom was right on my tail so after a few seconds of rest, I took off again, out the garage, onto the lawn and through a flower garden that circled the base of a big maple tree. And then back onto the road...

"FLUFFY! FLUFFY! STOP FLUFFY!" Wow, I had never hear mom scream like that before. She was darting this way and that, trying to anticipate my next move, but I was always one step ahead of her. Down the road I went, towards the Big Road. "FLUFFY! NOOOOOO!"

I detoured onto the patch of grass between the sidewalk and the road, sniffed here and there while I waited for Mom to catch up. When she was just about to swoop down on me, I took off again, this time, down the sidewalk. I darted here and there and briefly considered slipping under a fence, but with Mom chasing me, I couldn't risk taking the time to weigh that option. Mom was borderline crazy now, wondering what to do. Where would I go? If I slipped under that fence, she wouldn't be able to follow me. Should she run back to the house and get Dad? But if she did, she would lose sight of me and maybe never see me again. And what about Miss Binks who was still sitting on the porch by herself? She opted to follow and keep trying to catch me.

Then I decided to hit the open road. Wow, was it ever big! "FLUFFY! FLUFFY! NO FLUFFY!!!!!!" mom screamed hysterically at the top of her lungs. She ran frantically all over the road, her arms in the air, her eyes all bugged out of her head looking out for cars and preparing to lie down in the middle of the road in order to stop traffic. She circled around me and ended up herding me back onto the grass. But not for long. I ran under a parked car and then back out onto the street. She circled again and again I ended up back on the grass. Geez, she was ruining my fun!

I ran back down the sidewalk and back to the road that goes into our complex, back on a few lawns and driveways, then back out onto the road. And that's when Mom saw it. A big white van turning the corner and coming straight at me. I had no clue what it was or how much danger I was in. I was pretty tired from all this running and my whiskers were feeling a bit out of place with all the wind blowing in my face so I stopped, flicked my paws and began to wash, oblivious to the van headed my way...


She got me. Mom got me. It was a blurr after that. She swiped me up so fast and held me to her chest, ran back home and tossed me in the stroller. Miss Binks was still sitting on the porch, having not moved an inch from where Mom left her and she was soon in the stroller with me. We were whisked into the garage and into the house and plopped onto the floor of our room.

Mom threw herself onto the couch and cried.

And cried, and cried...

After heaving and sobbing for a minute or so, she came over to me and picked me up. She held me so close and so tight I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. She gasped to catch her breath and shook all over, crying a torrent of tears all over my fur. "Fluffy, oh Fluffy! Never, ever, EVER do that again! You have to listen to Mommy! You could have been killed, KILLED Fluffy!" She rocked me back and forth, covering me with kisses. I felt something from her that I had never felt before - worry and relief, fear and love, all rolled into one big quivering mess of emotions. I had really scared the bejesus out of her, like FOR REAL this time, and only now did I actually start to feel a little guilty.

"But I was only having fun Mom..."

"Oh Fluffy, you are just a little bunny who is quite naive about the outside world around him. You were in so much danger! You could have been hit by a car and killed! Lost in the forest! Lost forever! Starving, sick, cold and all alone! Please, Fluffy, please, don't ever do that again..." she pleaded.

"Okay Mom, but I was only being a bunny and doing what bunnies do..."

"I know. And you are right. It's Mommy's job to make sure you are safe. And from now on, you are staying inside! I'm sorry but Mommy can never risk having you run away again. Mommy would die if she lost you in some tragic accident that could've been prevented. And what would poor little Miss Binks do without you?"

After what felt like an eternity, she finally put me back on the floor where I hopped over to Miss Binks and bunny flopped beside her. Mom then went upstairs and cried again while telling Daddy the whole sordid story.

"She's right Fluffy..." Binky said as she licked my dirty pavement paws. "What would I do without you Fluff?"

"You're right Binks. No adventure is worth upsetting my favourite girl. Or Mommy or Daddy. I guess I will keep my bunny misadventures confined to the indoors from now on." I suggested. "I think that's a good idea, because I sure do love you, Fluffy."

"Awww, I love you too Miss Binks. Now and always....."


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Something Is In The Air!

Mom is not sure why I am acting like I am. She thinks it might be the spring weather that is upon us. But whatever it is, it is resulting in me being quite the naughty bunny - hee hee!

Yes, it's true, I've been bad lately. It may have started with my romp in the garage but it certainly didn't stop there. I have been extra spunky as of late, releasing a lot of pent up energy in crazy and silly ways.

My Baseboard Chewing project is entering it's final stages. All of the baseboards around the perimeter of the family room have all been nicely and evenly chewed down, except for behind the TV stand and behind the couch. Mom has grown tired of vacuuming up all of the little sawdust piles I leave behind. The square coffee table legs are now shapely and round like they should be, and the black finish contrasts nicely with the newly-chewed and exposed wood underneath.

The Stupid Blankets are currently in the wash because Lucky the Hamster decided to empty her bladder on them last night - HA! I'll bet those Stupid Blankets weren't expecting that! I gave Lucky a little high-five for her contribution to keeping those no good pieces of fleece in line. And by the way, they may be relatively new but they are already nicely riddled with all new holes and little fleece bits are all over the place. Another thing for Mom to vacuum....

I have taken to chewing shoes too! Well, not really chewing them, but picking them up with my teeth and tossing them about. Dad is not too happy with me manhandling his Harry Rosens (those are expensive shoes, BTW) but I told him, I only go for the best in quality, just like him! You don't see me chewing Mom's Payless shoes, do you Dad? Oh no, just her Birkenstocks and Rockports! YUM!

And my new favourite thing is to run out into the hallway and run back into the room at top speed, getting all the traction I can from the door mat and LEAP into the family room, over the water and food bowls, diverting various toys and a big old apple branch and come skidding to a stop right beside my Binky Girl, who waits for me next to the crinkle tunnel. Mom laughs because she says my front end stops faster than my back end and my bum ends up crossing the finish line first.

So my silliness may well indeed be because of the weather, or maybe I am just one happy bunny. I like to think it's the latter of the two, because I really am a happy, go-lucky kind of fellow. And I especially love, after being silly or energetic or adventurous, curling up next to Miss Binks, my little belly rising and falling rapidly from all my activity, and recounting my many bunny tales of adventure to her. "Oh Fluffy, you're so silly! All that running around and exploring must really tucker you out. Relax and let me give you a good eyeball wash..."

Ahhhh, that's the life!