I'm Too Sexy For This Blog

It's true. When it comes to rabbits, I'm pretty sexy. Just ask Miss Binks. She can attest to my animal magnetism. In fact, I don't think there is a female of any species that doesn't just find me completely adorable.

You could say, I have a "thing" with the ladies. Perhaps it is my friendly personality. Or my devastating good looks. Or my quirky sense of humour. You pick. I really am the total package.

I know, I know, the good ones are always taken and such is the case with me I am afraid. It's true ladies, there is only one girl in my life and that is my beautiful Miss Binks. It's also a proven fact that any guy who is totally devoted to "his girl", ironically, makes him all the more attractive. *sigh* I guess this is also the case for me - everybunny wants me but there is only one special girl who gets to hump my head.....

So for all of you girl bunnies who send me emails, text messages, love letters and marriage proposals, thank you very much. I am so flattered, really, I am! There was a day I was sitting in a tiny cage in a shelter and I couldn't get anyone to look at me twice, so I really do appreciate the love. But my heart belongs to one bunny and one bunny only....Binky.

"Fluffy, my ears are waxy - will you come lick them for me?"

"Sure Binks! Be there in a second!"

"...and on your way over, can you bring me a carrot from the dinner plate? Please? A nice little fat one..."

"You got it my Darling! On my way!"

Gotta go - I have been summoned. And I wouldn't want it any other way.....

P.S. What do you get a Diva Bunny for Christmas? Come on peeps! Help me out!

Fluffy

Halloween Blues

Oh, I am not - let me repeat - NOT impressed with Halloween.

Can I please know who's brilliant idea it was to make a holiday where you dress up in costumes? And better yet, who's brilliant idea it was to make these costumes in such small sizes that it would make humans buy them for their pet rabbits and make them wear one? Please, a show of paws, who is in favour of this NONSENSE?????

*sigh* So this year I was a dragon. Yup. Mom came home with a bag full of stuff - apparently Halloween costumes were 75% off at Petsmart and she bought us a wardrobe of stuff to wear. In addition to the stupid dragon get up, there was also a fire chief (poor Scooter upstairs got to wear THAT one), a pirate's hat, a witch and some stupid glow in the dark t-shirts. Even Binky had a "Creature of the Night" t-shirt on. Strangely enough, she didn't mind it. "Doesn't it look fab against my pretty white fur, Fluffy?"

Why isn't there a bunny distress line we can call? Something like 1-800-GET-THIS-STUPID-OUTFIT-OFF-OF-ME? I sure could have used them last night. "But Fluffy, you were SO ADORABLE dressed up as Mommy's Little Dragon! Who was Mommy's Little Dragon? That's right, YOU were!"

Dear Petsmart. Please don't sell anymore Halloween costumes in a size small. I beg of you. I just can't take the humiliation....

Fluffy

Sulk & Vinegar

This picture is what I look like when I am mad. Why am I mad? Because I had a bath. Why did I have a bath? Well, let's just say I was a tad on the stinky side.....

Much akin to the Paint Tray Episode of '07, I shall lay the blame more on Mom than on me. "Fluffy, it was NOT my fault! I clearly told you to stay out of there!" Hmph - whatever....

Okay, so Mom was cleaning out our litter bin as usual and I guess they were particularly stinky this time around. So she poured about an inch worth of vinegar into the bottom of it and left it on the floor to soak. She was watching t.v. in our room and had left the gate open to the laundry area where the bin was soaking. So of course, me being the inquisitive bunny I am, hopped on over to the bin to see what was up. I gave it a sniff - good golly! What is that smell?! "Fluffy, get away from there....." Hmmmm, maybe if I chin it, it will smell better...(chin)....nope. Still stinky. Something is in there, but it's strange. It looks empty to me.....

"McFluffersons, get away from that bin!" What is Mom getting her knickers all in a knot about? I'm just sniffing it for crying out loud. There is something in here that smells really funny but I can't figure it out. I don't see anything in there - maybe I need to investigate further....

"Fluffy, git! Don't you hop in that bin, Little Man!"

This is driving me crazy - something is going on here and as the resident Big Tough Lop, it's my duty to find out what it is and report back to Binks. Let me just hop in here.....

SPLASH!

YIKES!!!!!! EWWWWWWWW!!! What IS this stuff?!

"FLUFFY MCFLUFFERSONS! What did Momma tell you?! BAH!!!!!!!"

Slippery! Can't...Get...Out! (splish-splash-splish-splash)

Mom is on me like white on rice. Like a helicopter, up I go into the sky. Mom holds my back against her chest with my stinky wet feet and belly facing front. GAG! Mom, what the heck was that?!!!!!! "Fluffy, that was vinegar! I told you NOT to go in there! Now you are drenched in vinegar for crying out loud!"

PLOP! Into the laundry sink. The water is running. NO!!!!!!!! She picks me up again and - *gasp* - she starts running my feet and belly under the water!!!!! MOM! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

"Now you're a stinky bunny! Bah! Now Mommy has to wash you....sit still McFluffersons!" Oh, she's got the vice grip on me, keeping me still with one arm and dumping water on me with the other. She calls to Dad upstairs to bring down the blow dryer. Blow dryer?! What is this? A car wash?!!!!!! "This is what happens Fluffy, when you don't listen to Mommy! You end up in a mess, you mischievous little bunny!"

So now the water is off and Dad is here with the blow dryer. He's blowing all this stupid air on me and Mom is rubbing my fur. She's fluffing my belly, my feet, even trying to get in between my toesies! UGH! And my BUM, too! Can you say "humiliating"?

"McFlufferson's, did you have a Bunny Misadventure?" Dad chuckled as he directed the dreaded dryer up and down my wet fur. "Yes, he most certainly did...." Mom chimed in. "Fluffy seems to think it's fun to hop into a litter bin of vinegar....."

You better believe that when my "fluff and dry" was done and all four feet were back firmly on the floor I let out a mighty series of thumps and grunts! I spun around and shot them both a dirty look, making sure they were aware of my extreme disapproval. Then I pointed my bum at them and took off, giving them some nice, big foot flicks to look at. For some reason, they thought all this was funny!

"Fluffy, what's that smell?" asked Miss Binks when I firmly planted myself next to her to sulk. "It's vinegar. Stupid vinegar! AND I had a bath! A BATH!!!!! Can you believe that????!!!!!"

"Well, just don't get any vinegar on my nice white Dolce & Gabunny track suit. Here, let me help you with that...." she said as she began licking my damp fur.

Ahhhhhhhhh....there is something about licks from my girl that makes all of the disapproval go away.....

Fluffy

I've been Furminatored!

And I thought being Zoom Groomed was bad. Those stupid, rubber bristles creating static electricity as they run through my fur collecting all the loose bits. Well, that's nothing compared to being Furminatored!

The Furminator - BAH! Stupid grooming brush! I HATE being groomed! Look at all that nonsense caught up in those tiny little metal teeth! And Mom just cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West, she was so pleased with herself and the job the Furminator was doing.

It's not like I didn't put up a good fight though. First Mom lured me over with a shake of the treat bag, then she pinned me between her legs and started torturing me! Brushbrushbrush, from head to tail - it was criminal I tell you!

"Oh, Fluffy! Look at all the fur this Furminator is getting out of you! It's WONDERFUL!"

"Wonderful?! Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how long it took me to grow that fur?!"

"Fluffy, you're being silly - this is fur you are shedding. It was falling out anyway. You're so dramatic....."

"I still need that fur! I haven't been this cold since the 'Paint Tray Episode' when Clipper Lady had to shave my feet!"

"Seriously Fluffy, I'm not removing enough to make you cold! It's not like I'm leaving bald spots!"

"Bald spots?! Did you say BALD SPOTS?! Let me GO!!!"

Well, apparently she wasn't finished with me yet because after she finished raking me, she decided it was time to clip my nails too! Holy cow, what did I do to deserve this?! And of course, only weighing three pounds means I'm pretty easy to hold on to no matter how hard I squirm. "Settle down, Fluffy! Keep still and it'll be over before you know it..."

So finally, the Prison Warden let me go and I blew outta there like a windstorm. Then I blew right back in, because I forgot to give her a good THUMP, so once I did that, I was gone again. I ran to snorgle with Binky....

"Fluffy, don't I look pretty? Momma groomed me and clipped my nails...."

"Yeah sure Binks. Girls like that kinda stuff. Us guys, not so much, especially us Big Tough Lops."

"Fluffy, today is Thanksgiving Day! Aren't you thankful you have such a wonderful family that takes care of you?"

*sigh* She's right. She's always right. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm thankful for that. And thankful for you too, my girl!" I said as I gave her earlicks. "And thankful that those stupid ants are gone and we are back in our room where we belong!"

"See? That's the spirit! And you are very handsome with your nicely brushed fur...."

*blush* "Thanks, Binks...."

Fluffy

The Ants Come Marching In....

"They're baaaaaaaack..." and Mom and Dad aren't happy. Neither are Binks and me for that matter. Mom spotted them the other evening - in our room - and flipped out. We were packed up and taken upstairs to live in the living room until they are "taken care of" (insert maniacal laugh here).

The Bug Man came the very next day and set up ant traps and until they do their job, Binks and I are back to living in the xpen when Mom and Dad are at work and also at night. Mom put down a big carpet so we could have better traction as neither Binks nor I are too partial to tickety-tickety-ing around on the hardwood. It makes it really hard for us to make our escape when we see Mom coming with that goofy "I wanna smooch you!" look on her face.

One evening, I hopped up on the couch with Mom and gave her a good nudge. "Mom, I want to go back downstairs! I don't like it up here...."

"I know, Fluffy, but until those ants are gone, those traps need to stay put and you bunnies need to stay safely away from them. We will give it a week and see how things are."

"Can I ask - will I be getting any sort of compensation for my unfortunate displacement?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know....will I be rewarded with anything for this major inconvenience? I did have plans, you know. Nutters and Butters were going to swing by the patio doors and we were going to watch a movie together..."

"Really. And what sort of compensation do you thing would be appropriate?"

"Hmmmmm, well I am thinking something along the lines of, oh, I don't know, treats? Like maybe some banana? Or raisins? Cookies? Extra veggie puffs?"

"I see. Well, I will give your request some serious consideration, but for now, I think I actually do have something I can offer you...."

"Really?! What?!"

Then she swoops and scoops me up and buries her face in my tummy making all kinds of stupid "nom-nom" noises and kissing me all over! Like right on the nose and lips! And I am only 3 pounds so there was no getting away from her grip of affection - UGH! Kisses all over! YUCK! PITOUEY!!!!!

Finally she put me down on the floor and you better believe I turned to her and gave her a mighty thump and a grunt! She foiled me, lulled me into a false sense of security and took advantage of my vulnerability! I immediately ran to Binks, who was snoring under the end table and shoved my head under hers, demanding licks to remove those sloppy kisses Mom covered me with. Boy, I don't know if there is enough compensation for that! I need to call my lawyer....

Fluffy