The Wrath of McFluffersons

Nanners. Nana. Banana. It's all the same thing - a sweet wondrous fruit that is perfect in every way, shape and form. And it makes my bum twitch. Every morning, Mom comes downstairs and gives me my morning nana, an inch-sized piece that I devour instantly as my rump spasms with pure and utter joy. So what happens when I don't get my nanners? Let's not even go there. Okay, let's.....

It happened last weekend. We ran out of bananas. Now normally this isn't an issue - Mom goes and buys more - end of story. But on this particular weekend day, Mom had to work so she asked Dad to get some. I am sure you all know where this is going. Yup. He forgot.

"You forgot?!" Mom asked Dad the next morning when she went to get my nana, "How could you forget?!"

"I just did - sorry, I'll get some tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow? What about today? Who is going to tell Fluffy that he gets no nanners today? Well, it's not going to be me, that's for sure..."

So Dad came downstairs and I ran to the gate to greet him - after all, it was nana time - but he was empty-handed. "Where's my nana?" I asked. "Um, there's no nana today Fluffy..."

"Huh?" I shook my little head - certainly I wasn't hearing this right. Did Dad say there was no nana today? "Sorry McFluffersons, I forgot to go to the store yesterday. I will go today..." I looked at him in total shock and disgust. "You forgot? FORGOT?!!! How could you forget nanners?! How could you?!"

"Fluffy, I....I'm sorry....I just....."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Mister! Do I look like a happy bunny?! DO I?!" I paused for dramatic effect, allowing my ice-cold disappointment to hang in the air. I then dropped my loppy ears to the ground in utter despair, hopped away a few steps, turned my little head and looked back at him with watery eyes, then went to sulk in my Maze Haven.....

Fast-forward to that evening....

Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch watching t.v. together. They were right next to the Stupid Blankets which were taunting me as usual - "Ha ha! Fluffy got no nanners today!" so I had to hop up there and chew them out a bit. While I was up there raging on them in my usual Big Tough Lop manner, I decided to let my frustrations out on Dad just a little bit, so I hopped up on his lap and started to dig at his jeans. "Fluffy, you silly boy!" he laughed as he lifted his glass of Stella out of the way. Silly, huh? I'll show you silly. Then I sat up on his chest and started digging at his shirt. "Little Man! You are quite rambunctious tonight, aren't you?" Little Man? Did he just call me a Little Man?

CHOMP!

"Owwwwwww! Fluffy! That went right through my shirt!" Oh, really?

CHOMP! "Ahhhhhhh-ooooooooowwwwww! McFluffersons!" Daddy clutched at his chest right where I sunk my teeth into him. "Why are you biting Dada?" Why? Did you ask me why? Think hard my friend.... "Probably because you forgot to buy him his nanners..." Mom piped up.

And then, like the big, fat cherry atop a sundae or the exclamation point at the end of a very exasperated sentence, I took my nose, placed it at the bottom of dad's beer glass and gave it a good shove - tipping it's contents all over Daddy.

Mom howled with laughter. Dad stood up, beer dripping down the front of his Daddy-O's polyester poker shirt. "McFlufferson's!!!!!!!!"

I hopped off the couch, gave him some foot flicks along with a big thump and scampered off to the willow tent where I very dramatically and satisfyingly flopped next to Miss Binks. "Fluffy, that was funny! You spilled that beer all over Daddy! Hee hee!"

I got my nanners the very next morning, on time, as usual. They haven't missed a day since....

Fluffy

Farewell Sweet Cheeks

It's been a sad week here at home. My little sister Lucky the hamster passed away.

Mom and Dad got Lucky when she was a wee baby. She was one of many hamsters that were found abandoned at the Dixie Outlet Mall last October. Rabbit Rescue took them in and Mom and Dad picked Lucky to add to our family. She quickly grew into a sweet, lovable and funny friend who loved running in her ball and stuffing her cheeks to immense proportions. Mom even stayed up late one night, worried that she had stuffed her cheeks too much and would not be able to get it all out. But little Lucky told her that "stuffing our pouches is what we do!" and she was perfectly fine. She loved filling her cheeks like it was the end of the world or she was going on some sort of incredible adventure and didn't know when she would be fed again. It could be weeks! (Of course not!) But she was ready, just in case. That's why Mommy started calling her Sweet Cheeks.

A week ago today, Lucky had a very wet bum and Mom worried she might have wet tail so she took her to the vet. At first, a UTI was suspected and meds were given. But on Saturday morning Lucky was in very bad shape, haunched over like a little buffalo, hardly able to walk and in obvious pain. Mom and Dad rushed her back to the vet where she underwent xrays and various tests. The vet determined that she was suffering from a spinal injury, probably cage-related. Perhaps Lucky had climbed up the bars of her cage (as hammies often do) and fell, landing on the side of a bowl or something else. Mom and Dad had no idea - they never saw anything happen, but of course, with hamsters being nocturnal, it certainly could have happened without them knowing it.

Lucky spent the weekend at the vet. Xrays showed no actual break in the spine, but she was still waddling around all funny. With the right meds, including pain management, she did slowly improve and was able to come back home on Sunday. For the next few days, bit by bit with continued meds, she got better. She was still a little haunched, but she was running around, stuffing her cheeks again and eating like a champion. But she still was not her normal, happy hammie self...

On Wednesday evening, after mom came home from work and was about to prepare dinner, Daddy found Lucky curled up in her hammie house. She had passed away earlier in the day. She was curled up, seemingly asleep, yet very much gone.....

Mom and Dad have been consumed with sadness. They tried to do everything they could to make her better, but poor little Lucky was just too injured to fully recover. Binks and I, as well as Ella and Scooter upstairs, have been working overtime giving them all the snorgles they need to help them feel better. We let them squeeze us extra tight and cry in our fur and kiss us and tell us how much they love us.

I sure am going to miss Lucky. She was extra good at grooming me through the air vents of her ball (see picture above) and loved to stuff my fur in her cheeks and take it into her hammie house to use as a pillow. She was only 8 months old. Mom and Dad aren't sure if another hammie is in the cards for them. We only lost my little brother Boo 9 months ago (actually, nine months to the day, today)and now to lose Lucky - that's two in less than a year. It really hurts. "But Mom, the important thing is that you and Dad gave Lucky a wonderful life! You gave her a wonderful home when she was abandoned, you gave her tons of love and she was such a happy little hamster! She had the best life ever with you and Dad..." Mom squeezed me extra tight and covered my head with kisses. "Thank you Fluffy. Thank you so much my Little Man. Mommy loves all of you bunnies more than anything in the world...."

"We know, Mom, you tell us every single day. And by the way, I'm not a Little Man - I'm a BIG TOUGH LOP!"

"Ha! Sorry McFluffersons, you are right! You're Mommy's Big Tough Lop!" she laughed through her tears.

My job for the night was done.

Farewell Sweet Lucky. Our hearts are all the more bigger for having known you....

Squirrel Feeder Sabotage!

"What on Earth happened to the squirrel feeder?!" Mom asked one morning as she looked out the patio doors. "It was a huge raccoon Mom!" I said, "A big, fat, hungry raccoon!"

Mom had just filled the squirrel feeder the night before with a fresh helping of peanuts and in the morning, all that was left was the empty shell of the feeder and the clear plastic front and shards of cedar on the ground. Further inspection revealed plenty of claw marks burrowed deep into all sides of the soft wood housing and you could see how easily the wood was stripped to remove the plastic window. Teeth marks could be seen along the top and the feeder itself was hanging loose from the fence - a sure sign that whatever hit it weighed more than Nutters and Butters combined.

Nutters tapped at the patio door first thing in the morning. "Hey Fluffy! What's up with the feeder?! It's been ransacked!" I took a peek out myself and could clearly see that damage had been done. Butters chimed in as well, "Yeah! there are no nuts in sight!"

So of course when Mom came down I quickly alerted her to what had happened. "Geez! That feeder was practically brand new! And I just dumped a half-bag of peanuts in there! Now they're all gone! There is no way I can fix that. Thank goodness I bought another squirrel feeder at Wal-Mart." YAY! Mom had a back-up. Apparently, now that it's warmer outside, Wal-Mart has squirrel feeders in stock again. Like squirrels don't eat in the winter or something.....?

So up went the new stronger and sturdier squirrel feeder. Mom has decided to fill it only in the mornings instead of at night so no big raccoons amble over for a midnight buffet. Not that Mom has anything against raccoons, but the feeder is strictly for squirrels. Plus, raccoon poop is very dangerous to bunnies so we don't want any of THAT in our yard!

So, since my "Big Escape" (see previous post) I have been trying really hard to be extra good. Mom is doing a bit better, not squeezing me as tight when she snorgles me, but of course dashing any dreams I might have of going outside. Sometimes all I have to do is look out the window and she says "Don't even think about it McFluffersons!"

Last weekend Mom and Dad went away for a few days and Fez's Mom bunnysat us. We call her Auntie Amy. Unfortunately, she reads my blog and was up-to-date on my recent shenanigans so she kept a good eye on me too. "Auntie Amy, can I go outside to play?" I would ask. "Ha! I don't think so Mr. Fluffy..." She was nice though - she gave me lots of head rubs. I like Auntie Amy - I hope she can bunnysit us again soon.

"Binks, do you think Mom will ever forgive me for taking off like that?" I asked her one day as we snuggled. "Oh Fluffy, you don't need to be forgiven. Mommy needs to forgive herself. She is still very upset for allowing it to happen. In the end, she was the one who learned the biggest lesson of all. You were just being a bunny."

"I never thought of it that way." I said. "Perhaps she will forgive herself soon and let us out in the backyard in our xpen. I like the feel of the grass under my feet..."

"Me too," said Binky, "and I like digging in the ground and sniffing the air! But not as much as I like snuggling with you, Fluffy..." she said as she stuck her nose in my ear. And I couldn't agree with her more.

Fluffy

Under Lockdown

Imagine a big, huge pile of bunny poop.......no, bigger than that...bigger. Now multiply that big huge pile of poop by about 1000 and that would just about equal the amount of poop I am in right now.

I have been grounded. Indefinitely. From going for rides in the stroller, from going outside in any way, shape or form (unless it's in a carrier), from even sniffing the fresh air from the screened patio doors - apparently the scent of freedom would just encourage me. Encourage me to be a very bad bunny.

It was Saturday, a very nice day I might add, and Mom decided to take Miss Binks and I out in the stroller to mail some letters. The closest mailbox is a mere 2 blocks away so it would be a short trip. All went fine, Mom had the top down, Binks and I snuggled together and sniffed the fine spring air, the birds were chirping and life was good. For the time being anyway.

When we got back home, Mom decided to sit with us on the front porch for a bit. Our front porch is cement with railings. It serves as the entrance to our townhouse as well as the one next door where Shannon the Dog lives. There are stairs by our side and stairs by the other side. Mom has had us out there before - I have never ever gone up or down a set of stairs before in my life so it's a pretty safe place for me to be - no worries about me trying to escape. Oh no, no worries about that at all....

...until I decided to have my first go at a set of stairs...

Mom was sitting on the top step petting Binky and I was hopping around checking out the neighbours Welcome Mat. Binks never strays anywhere, she is a Nervous Nellie, so she simply sniffed the air and explored as far around her as her head and neck would reach without taking a step. Me on the other hand, I stood on top of the other set of stairs and looked down...."Fluffy......" Mom said. "McFluffersons..." She could hear the wheels of escape churning in my head - she stood up to come over to me - and that's when I did it. I bolted down those stairs like I had been doing it all my life.

"Fluffy! Get back here!" she yelled as she ran down the stairs after me. I ran across the driveway to the grassy yard and bounced from one corner to another with Mom in hot pursuit. "FLUFFY! Stop! Get back here!" Of course I would stop just long enough for her to catch up to me, then I would bolt again! I darted my head from side to side, trying to quickly navigate my way through this new, wild wilderness. Up through the bushes, across another driveway, then onto the road that runs through our townhouse complex. "FLUFFY!" mom screamed.

I ran up another driveway, right into an open garage and rested under the car. Mom was right on my tail so after a few seconds of rest, I took off again, out the garage, onto the lawn and through a flower garden that circled the base of a big maple tree. And then back onto the road...

"FLUFFY! FLUFFY! STOP FLUFFY!" Wow, I had never hear mom scream like that before. She was darting this way and that, trying to anticipate my next move, but I was always one step ahead of her. Down the road I went, towards the Big Road. "FLUFFY! NOOOOOO!"

I detoured onto the patch of grass between the sidewalk and the road, sniffed here and there while I waited for Mom to catch up. When she was just about to swoop down on me, I took off again, this time, down the sidewalk. I darted here and there and briefly considered slipping under a fence, but with Mom chasing me, I couldn't risk taking the time to weigh that option. Mom was borderline crazy now, wondering what to do. Where would I go? If I slipped under that fence, she wouldn't be able to follow me. Should she run back to the house and get Dad? But if she did, she would lose sight of me and maybe never see me again. And what about Miss Binks who was still sitting on the porch by herself? She opted to follow and keep trying to catch me.

Then I decided to hit the open road. Wow, was it ever big! "FLUFFY! FLUFFY! NO FLUFFY!!!!!!" mom screamed hysterically at the top of her lungs. She ran frantically all over the road, her arms in the air, her eyes all bugged out of her head looking out for cars and preparing to lie down in the middle of the road in order to stop traffic. She circled around me and ended up herding me back onto the grass. But not for long. I ran under a parked car and then back out onto the street. She circled again and again I ended up back on the grass. Geez, she was ruining my fun!

I ran back down the sidewalk and back to the road that goes into our complex, back on a few lawns and driveways, then back out onto the road. And that's when Mom saw it. A big white van turning the corner and coming straight at me. I had no clue what it was or how much danger I was in. I was pretty tired from all this running and my whiskers were feeling a bit out of place with all the wind blowing in my face so I stopped, flicked my paws and began to wash, oblivious to the van headed my way...

WHOMP!

She got me. Mom got me. It was a blurr after that. She swiped me up so fast and held me to her chest, ran back home and tossed me in the stroller. Miss Binks was still sitting on the porch, having not moved an inch from where Mom left her and she was soon in the stroller with me. We were whisked into the garage and into the house and plopped onto the floor of our room.

Mom threw herself onto the couch and cried.

And cried, and cried...

After heaving and sobbing for a minute or so, she came over to me and picked me up. She held me so close and so tight I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. She gasped to catch her breath and shook all over, crying a torrent of tears all over my fur. "Fluffy, oh Fluffy! Never, ever, EVER do that again! You have to listen to Mommy! You could have been killed, KILLED Fluffy!" She rocked me back and forth, covering me with kisses. I felt something from her that I had never felt before - worry and relief, fear and love, all rolled into one big quivering mess of emotions. I had really scared the bejesus out of her, like FOR REAL this time, and only now did I actually start to feel a little guilty.

"But I was only having fun Mom..."

"Oh Fluffy, you are just a little bunny who is quite naive about the outside world around him. You were in so much danger! You could have been hit by a car and killed! Lost in the forest! Lost forever! Starving, sick, cold and all alone! Please, Fluffy, please, don't ever do that again..." she pleaded.

"Okay Mom, but I was only being a bunny and doing what bunnies do..."

"I know. And you are right. It's Mommy's job to make sure you are safe. And from now on, you are staying inside! I'm sorry but Mommy can never risk having you run away again. Mommy would die if she lost you in some tragic accident that could've been prevented. And what would poor little Miss Binks do without you?"

After what felt like an eternity, she finally put me back on the floor where I hopped over to Miss Binks and bunny flopped beside her. Mom then went upstairs and cried again while telling Daddy the whole sordid story.

"She's right Fluffy..." Binky said as she licked my dirty pavement paws. "What would I do without you Fluff?"

"You're right Binks. No adventure is worth upsetting my favourite girl. Or Mommy or Daddy. I guess I will keep my bunny misadventures confined to the indoors from now on." I suggested. "I think that's a good idea, because I sure do love you, Fluffy."

"Awww, I love you too Miss Binks. Now and always....."

Fluffy

Something Is In The Air!

Mom is not sure why I am acting like I am. She thinks it might be the spring weather that is upon us. But whatever it is, it is resulting in me being quite the naughty bunny - hee hee!

Yes, it's true, I've been bad lately. It may have started with my romp in the garage but it certainly didn't stop there. I have been extra spunky as of late, releasing a lot of pent up energy in crazy and silly ways.

My Baseboard Chewing project is entering it's final stages. All of the baseboards around the perimeter of the family room have all been nicely and evenly chewed down, except for behind the TV stand and behind the couch. Mom has grown tired of vacuuming up all of the little sawdust piles I leave behind. The square coffee table legs are now shapely and round like they should be, and the black finish contrasts nicely with the newly-chewed and exposed wood underneath.

The Stupid Blankets are currently in the wash because Lucky the Hamster decided to empty her bladder on them last night - HA! I'll bet those Stupid Blankets weren't expecting that! I gave Lucky a little high-five for her contribution to keeping those no good pieces of fleece in line. And by the way, they may be relatively new but they are already nicely riddled with all new holes and little fleece bits are all over the place. Another thing for Mom to vacuum....

I have taken to chewing shoes too! Well, not really chewing them, but picking them up with my teeth and tossing them about. Dad is not too happy with me manhandling his Harry Rosens (those are expensive shoes, BTW) but I told him, I only go for the best in quality, just like him! You don't see me chewing Mom's Payless shoes, do you Dad? Oh no, just her Birkenstocks and Rockports! YUM!

And my new favourite thing is to run out into the hallway and run back into the room at top speed, getting all the traction I can from the door mat and LEAP into the family room, over the water and food bowls, diverting various toys and a big old apple branch and come skidding to a stop right beside my Binky Girl, who waits for me next to the crinkle tunnel. Mom laughs because she says my front end stops faster than my back end and my bum ends up crossing the finish line first.

So my silliness may well indeed be because of the weather, or maybe I am just one happy bunny. I like to think it's the latter of the two, because I really am a happy, go-lucky kind of fellow. And I especially love, after being silly or energetic or adventurous, curling up next to Miss Binks, my little belly rising and falling rapidly from all my activity, and recounting my many bunny tales of adventure to her. "Oh Fluffy, you're so silly! All that running around and exploring must really tucker you out. Relax and let me give you a good eyeball wash..."

Ahhhh, that's the life!

Fluffy