Monday, June 29, 2009
The Wrath of McFluffersons
Nanners. Nana. Banana. It's all the same thing - a sweet wondrous fruit that is perfect in every way, shape and form. And it makes my bum twitch. Every morning, Mom comes downstairs and gives me my morning nana, an inch-sized piece that I devour instantly as my rump spasms with pure and utter joy. So what happens when I don't get my nanners? Let's not even go there. Okay, let's.....
It happened last weekend. We ran out of bananas. Now normally this isn't an issue - Mom goes and buys more - end of story. But on this particular weekend day, Mom had to work so she asked Dad to get some. I am sure you all know where this is going. Yup. He forgot.
"You forgot?!" Mom asked Dad the next morning when she went to get my nana, "How could you forget?!"
"I just did - sorry, I'll get some tomorrow..."
"Tomorrow? What about today? Who is going to tell Fluffy that he gets no nanners today? Well, it's not going to be me, that's for sure..."
So Dad came downstairs and I ran to the gate to greet him - after all, it was nana time - but he was empty-handed. "Where's my nana?" I asked. "Um, there's no nana today Fluffy..."
"Huh?" I shook my little head - certainly I wasn't hearing this right. Did Dad say there was no nana today? "Sorry McFluffersons, I forgot to go to the store yesterday. I will go today..." I looked at him in total shock and disgust. "You forgot? FORGOT?!!! How could you forget nanners?! How could you?!"
"Fluffy, I....I'm sorry....I just....."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, Mister! Do I look like a happy bunny?! DO I?!" I paused for dramatic effect, allowing my ice-cold disappointment to hang in the air. I then dropped my loppy ears to the ground in utter despair, hopped away a few steps, turned my little head and looked back at him with watery eyes, then went to sulk in my Maze Haven.....
Fast-forward to that evening....
Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch watching t.v. together. They were right next to the Stupid Blankets which were taunting me as usual - "Ha ha! Fluffy got no nanners today!" so I had to hop up there and chew them out a bit. While I was up there raging on them in my usual Big Tough Lop manner, I decided to let my frustrations out on Dad just a little bit, so I hopped up on his lap and started to dig at his jeans. "Fluffy, you silly boy!" he laughed as he lifted his glass of Stella out of the way. Silly, huh? I'll show you silly. Then I sat up on his chest and started digging at his shirt. "Little Man! You are quite rambunctious tonight, aren't you?" Little Man? Did he just call me a Little Man?
"Owwwwwww! Fluffy! That went right through my shirt!" Oh, really?
CHOMP! "Ahhhhhhh-ooooooooowwwwww! McFluffersons!" Daddy clutched at his chest right where I sunk my teeth into him. "Why are you biting Dada?" Why? Did you ask me why? Think hard my friend.... "Probably because you forgot to buy him his nanners..." Mom piped up.
And then, like the big, fat cherry atop a sundae or the exclamation point at the end of a very exasperated sentence, I took my nose, placed it at the bottom of dad's beer glass and gave it a good shove - tipping it's contents all over Daddy.
Mom howled with laughter. Dad stood up, beer dripping down the front of his Daddy-O's polyester poker shirt. "McFlufferson's!!!!!!!!"
I hopped off the couch, gave him some foot flicks along with a big thump and scampered off to the willow tent where I very dramatically and satisfyingly flopped next to Miss Binks. "Fluffy, that was funny! You spilled that beer all over Daddy! Hee hee!"
I got my nanners the very next morning, on time, as usual. They haven't missed a day since....