|Actual crime scene photograph.|
"What the heck is THIS?!" Mom screeched when she walked in and saw it. Her face was all screwed up and she kept trying to sniff it. "Is this.......is this...POO?!" Immediately she looked at me because I was the closest one in the vicinity. Binky was hiding under the coffee table where she always sits. "Don't look at me!" I said. "How on Earth does bunny poo get all the way up here?! It's like 4 feet away from the litter bin! And 5 feet up the wall!" Again she looked to me for an explanation. "Hey, it wasn't me! Why do you assume it's automatically me?!"
"It's bunny poo. So it's either yours or Binky's. And Binky's poos are round and solid. Her poo would bounce off the wall. You on the other hand, your poos are sometimes sticky! AND, you like to flick your feet behind you when you jump out of the litter bin!" She was all matter-of-fact about it, like she was some kind of Poo Lawyer who certainly wasn't new in town. She reached a finger out to touch it, but it didn't move. Then she tried to use a stalk of hay to scrape it off, but it snapped in two. "Oh MAN! It's dried and stuck to the wall!!!!"
|Close up picture of offending poo.|
"Listen Mom, there is no way it could have been me! Yeah, I like to flick my feet, but, like you said, I do it when I hop OUT of the litter bin. So clearly, if that's the case, it would make sense that the poo would fling backwards, right? And hit the wall against the litter bin, right? And that is clearly NOT where this poo is. It's to the front and right of the litter bin." She stood with her hands on her hips looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "So even if, by some freak accident, I flung a poo, it would have to have hit a wall and bounced off, changing the trajectory of the poo and re-directing it to the wall it landed on, right? But you, in your own words, said my poos were sometimes "sticky". And if so, they would have stuck to the first wall they hit instead of ricocheting off Wall #1 to finally rest on Wall #2." Ha! Take that Mom! "PLUS, it's five feet up the wall. And I am only 18 inches tall, and that's when I'm periscoping......"
Mom looked at me, tapping her foot. Defeat was in her eyes. Then she threw her arms up in the air and let out a growly "AAAAAARGH!", spun around and left the room.
Feel free to message me if you need any Legal Poo Advice. I am at your service.
Poo Defence Attorney